Why People Lie

Why People Lie
Words of Faith 11-4-24
Dr. Jeffrey D. Hoy © 2024
Jeff.Hoy@faithfellowshipweb.com
Faith Fellowship Church - Melbourne, FL
www.faithfellowshipweb.com
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1 Samuel 19
[8] Once more war broke out, and David went out and fought the Philistines. He struck them with such force that they fled before him. [9] But an evil spirit from the LORD came upon Saul as he was sitting in his house with his spear in his hand. While David was playing the harp, [10] Saul tried to pin him to the wall with his spear, but David eluded him as Saul drove the spear into the wall. That night David made good his escape. [11] Saul sent men to David's house to watch it and to kill him in the morning. But Michal, David's wife, warned him, "If you don't run for your life tonight, tomorrow you'll be killed." [12] So Michal let David down through a window, and he fled and escaped. [13] Then Michal took an idol and laid it on the bed, covering it with a garment and putting some goats' hair at the head. [14] When Saul sent the men to capture David, Michal said, "He is ill." [15] Then Saul sent the men back to see David and told them, "Bring him up to me in his bed so that I may kill him." [16] But when the men entered, there was the idol in the bed, and at the head was some goats' hair. [17] Saul said to Michal, "Why did you deceive me like this and send my enemy away so that he escaped?" Michal told him, "He said to me, 'Let me get away. Why should I kill you?'"

It was not the war with the Philistines that threatened Israel... it was the war within Saul, the king of Israel. The peace that Jonathan brokered between David and Saul did not last long. The battle with the Philistines was wrapped up quickly because David struck with great force, and the enemy fled. But this seemed to make things worse. Jealousy is an insidious enemy. David returned and attempted to calm the turmoil within Saul by playing the harp, which he had done before, but to no avail.
Rather than choose to receive the peace that David brought into the palace, Saul stewed in his jealousy to the point he personally made another attempt to kill David. It was clear now that David was a marked man, so he headed out on the run. Michal, the daughter of Saul and wife of David, aided her husband in escaping and even created an elaborate "escape mannequin" to cover up his absence. All this would make a great adventure movie, complete with an Alcatraz-type escape!
One of the troubling parts of this story is that Michal lied. She helped create the deception that allowed David's getaway, but even more, she lied when asked about it. Michal told her father that David had threatened her, even to the point of killing her-- "He said to me, 'Let me get away. Why should I kill you?'" Even if you interpret the words "Why should I kill you?" as concern for her safety from Saul, it was still a lie. She was the one who warned David and initiated the escape, but she could not tell her father the truth.
So let's talk about that.
First, not all people in the Bible do exemplary things. Some are still growing in trust and faith. God uses every situation, but we cannot justify lying because someone in the Bible did so. We will see that in David's life quite clearly later on.
Let's ask a different question: Why do people lie? Sometimes, people lie because they want something, and deception is their method. Lying goes with cheating and stealing. Sometimes, people lie because they want to appear better or nobler than they really are. Ananias and Sapphira were struck dead because they lied to the Holy Spirit, claiming they gave more to the Apostles than they really did (Acts 5).
But what about family members? What about the people we love the most? People are often very hurt when they learn that a family member lied to them, sometimes about a matter or event that seems trivial or at least of minor importance. It isn't easy to understand. I have often heard people say: It was the lie that hurt me most.
The reason people lie to family or people they love is quite different from the other lies. It is not a matter of cheating, stealing, or some other retched motive. It is usually because they do not feel safe telling the truth. That was certainly the case for Michal.
When Michal faced her towering father, Saul, demanding to know why she had participated in the deception that facilitated David's escape, she did not feel safe telling him the truth. Michal might have said-- Daddy, he is my husband! What did you think I would do? We are one together in marriage. Or she might have been bold enough to say--Daddy, you are acting like a jerk! Get a grip. Of course, I helped him escape. You are wrong. Instead, she lied. She made up a false threat from David rather than deal with the genuine threat of Saul.
Gary Smalley teaches that safety is vital for intimacy and communication to thrive. If a relationship is not "safe," then there will be very little honest communication. If there is no safety, people are guarded. They keep secrets. They cover up. And if pushed into a corner or put on the spot, they lie.
So if a person asks-- Why does my spouse lie about little stupid things? The answer is usually that they don't feel enough safety to tell you the truth. They fear the fallout. Why does my child lie to me? They fear the consequences. If a parent sees a pattern of lying in their child, the reason often is more about the parent than the child's character. The child who hides their report card does so because they do not feel safe to share it. They do not think the parent is there to help them with the problem, only to punish them. Why do spouses hide mounting bills and financial problems? They fear the "fallout" that will come with such news.
One critical task in relationships is to create enough safety for people to be honest with you. That requires a pattern of unconditional love. It requires increasing trust with more difficult issues or vulnerable feelings. It requires clear communication with children that, though you may be disappointed, nothing can make you stop loving them, and there is nothing they cannot share.
There were many opportunities for Saul to turn back from his destructive pattern of behavior. This was one of them. But a pattern of rage and unpredictable dominance had left no safety zone in which those who loved him most could communicate honestly.
How is your safety zone? Are you intentional about communicating safety to those you love? Have you allowed anger or rage to push people away at a distance so that no one feels safe communicating with you? Saul did not turn back, but we can.

Father God, create authenticity and a love in my life that allows me to be approachable. Show me the best path for loving people in a way that creates safety. Give those around me the courage to speak into my life when I need to hear. Give me genuine relationships that grow out of my trust in You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

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© Jeffrey D. Hoy 2024
Dr. Jeffrey D. Hoy - Faith Fellowship Church (EFCA)
2820 Business Center Blvd.
Melbourne, Florida 32940 (321)-259-7200
Jeff.Hoy@faithfellowshipweb.com
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The Words of Faith devotion is published five days a week by E-mail, excluding Federal holidays. Please feel free to forward this devotion to a friend who might be blessed by this devotion. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is quoted from the New International Version (R) of The Holy Bible. Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Words of Faith (c) 1997, 2024 Jeffrey D. Hoy. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward this copyrighted material or use portions of it with appropriate notation of the source for non-profit purposes.