Separation
Words of Faith 8-13-26
Dr. Jeffrey D. Hoy © 2026
Jeff.Hoy@faithfellowshipweb.com
Faith Fellowship Church - Melbourne, FL
www.faithfellowshipweb.com
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Nehemiah 10
[30] "We promise not to give our daughters in marriage to the peoples around us or take their daughters for our sons.

The issue of "separation" is a controversial one in Ezra and Nehemiah. Several years before this revival, Ezra went so far as to order the dissolution of mixed marriages— marriages between Jewish and non-Jewish people. There is no evidence that any such dissolutions were actually carried out. Such actions would create another group of social problems. But the strong prohibition against intermarriage became deeply ingrained at this point in Jewish history.

In the Nehemiah reform, these complexities seemed to be understood. There was only a commitment not to intermarry with foreign people in the future— "We promise not to give our daughters in marriage to the peoples around us or take their daughters for our sons."It is a pledge observed to this day in many Jewish families. We see this tradition in “Fiddler on the Roof” when a deeply conflicted Tevye declares his daughter Chava to be “dead to us” after she marries a Gentile. In the final scene of the show, he comes to the point of blessing the couple, but it is not without much struggle.

For some, the "separation reform" that we see in Nehemiah seems like a kind of racism. An ugly word to be sure. In reality, the reform had nothing to do with racial purity and everything to do with faith purity. It would be hard to make a case for racial purity in the Bible. Moses had a racially mixed marriage (Num. 12:1). Rahab was of another race, yet she was included in David's lineage because she had faith in the Lord (Joshua 2:8-13). Faith was always the issue, not race.

So, why all this fuss in Nehemiah's day? Remember that one of the huge sins that resulted in the loss of the Promised Land was idolatry that began with intermarriage to people of pagan religions who brought idols into the homes of God's people. Solomon completely lost control over the faith of his household when he married hundreds of foreign wives.

Faith is still the issue today. Even secular researchers now question the wisdom of mixing religious backgrounds in a marriage. One of the top three causes for divorce in America is cited as "religious differences". As Christians, we know that in such a marriage, a believer is "unequally yoked" with an unbeliever (2 Cor. 6:14), and the passing down of faith to children is constantly in turmoil. Frankly, without the strength of Christ, even the best-matched couple in terms of social background, likes and dislikes, will lack the most important things in common. We must not be blind to these dangers.

How then shall we live? How do we "reform"? Remember, these "reforms" were not a Word or command from the Lord; they were a repentant response by the people. The truth is that in our culture, the parents don't decide these things. Parents may hope to be consulted, but fathers generally don't arrange marriages the way they did in ancient times.

In a culture where adult children are free to marry as they please, should Christian parents withhold blessing from a child's marriage to an unbeliever? Ultimately, probably not. But we are remiss if we do not speak the truth in love, express clearly the dangers and, if possible, share Jesus with the proposed in-law.

For those who are intent upon marrying an unbeliever, we can give blessing and support, and move on in heavy prayer. Why? Because the broken relationship that comes from not blessing or refusing to attend a wedding never wins anyone to Jesus. The pain of that rejection will linger a long time and may close the door forever.

And should a believer marry an unbeliever? I know of pastors who were not Christians at the time of their marriage who were won to the Lord by a believing wife. These things are not hard and fast. In most cases, marriage of a believer to an unbeliever without divine guidance is not advisable. The struggle is real. It is a hard road.

Should the church perform and bless marriages between people who are unequally yoked? Do we seize this opportunity to share the Gospel with an unbeliever in pre-marital counseling, or do we close the door in their face as we refuse to bless the marriage? Do we require them to go through a contrived ritual of "conversion" before blessing the marriage? Or do we speak the truth in love and then bless as much as we can? These waters are not easy.

For today. Be moldable in the hand of the Lord. Listen for His clear leading. Take great care in choosing a life partner.

Lord, re-mold me. Rebuild me. Re-form me. Revive me. Renew me. Re-create me. Make me into the part of the Body of Christ You desire me to be. Show me the ways in which You desire for me to be separate from the world. Also, show me the places and times where you desire for me to be salt and light. In the grace of the Lord, Jesus. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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© Jeffrey D. Hoy 2025
Dr. Jeffrey D. Hoy - Faith Fellowship Church (EFCA)
2820 Business Center Blvd.
Melbourne, Florida 32940 (321)-259-7200
Jeff.Hoy@faithfellowshipweb.com
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Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is quoted from the New International Version (R) of The Holy Bible. Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Words of Faith (c) 1997, 2025 Jeffrey D. Hoy.