Forgive and Forbear

Forgive and Forbear
Words of Faith 3-20-25
Dr. Jeffrey D. Hoy © 2025
Jeff.Hoy@faithfellowshipweb.com
Faith Fellowship Church - Melbourne, FL
www.faithfellowshipweb.com
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2 Samuel 19:14-23
[14] He won over the hearts of all the men of Judah as though they were one man. They sent word to the king, "Return, you and all your men." [15] Then the king returned and went as far as the Jordan. Now the men of Judah had come to Gilgal to go out and meet the king and bring him across the Jordan. [16] Shimei son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, hurried down with the men of Judah to meet King David. [17] With him were a thousand Benjamites, along with Ziba, the steward of Saul's household, and his fifteen sons and twenty servants. They rushed to the Jordan, where the king was. [18] They crossed at the ford to take the king's household over and to do whatever he wished. When Shimei son of Gera crossed the Jordan, he fell prostrate before the king [19] and said to him, "May my lord not hold me guilty. Do not remember how your servant did wrong on the day my lord the king left Jerusalem. May the king put it out of his mind. [20] For I your servant know that I have sinned, but today I have come here as the first of the whole house of Joseph to come down and meet my lord the king." [21] Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said, "Shouldn't Shimei be put to death for this? He cursed the Lord's anointed." [22] David replied, "What do you and I have in common, you sons of Zeruiah? This day you have become my adversaries! Should anyone be put to death in Israel today? Do I not know that today I am king over Israel?" [23] So the king said to Shimei, "You shall not die." And the king promised him on oath.

The battle for the Kingdom was over, and David's restoration could now take place. The king had survived the coup attempt, and now Judah—the southern part of the Kingdom—was unanimous in wanting to welcome David back to Jerusalem as king. They sent a delegation to the Jordan River to meet him and help him cross the river.
Several interesting people were included in the delegation: Shimei, who had cursed David on his way into exile; Mephibosheth, the grandson of Saul; and Barzillai, the Gileadite, who had helped David greatly.
Obviously, there was some reconciling to be done. David only came as far as the Jordan River. The Jordan had always represented a crossing point and dividing line. This was where the Lord had opened up the waters so that Joshua could lead the children of Israel into the Land of Promise. David was wise to stop here and meet with those who had collaborated with Absalom in one way or another.
Shimei was first. Remember him? He was the first to meet David as he fled Jerusalem, throwing rocks and curses at the king! Realizing the peril in which he now found himself because of David's restoration, he prostrated himself before the king and sought his forgiveness. David granted forgiveness over the objections of Abishai, who had remained loyal and had commanded one of the divisions that defeated Absalom.
David could have executed Shimei but he realized that this was a time for peace if there could be peace. "Should anyone be put to death in Israel today? Do I not know that today I am king over Israel?" So the king said to Shimei, "You shall not die." Forgiveness sometimes has the power to give life.
But David did not forget how fickle Shimei could be. David chose to overlook the degrading behavior that Shimei had doled out and accept his plea for mercy, but he did not forget. Years later, on his deathbed, David instructed Solomon to be wise and remember the betrayal of Shimei (1 Kings 2:8-9). Solomon eventually put Shimei to death for yet another betrayal.
It is popular to say— "Forgive and forget". The problem is that we are not wired to do that. We don't just "forget" things, especially if they have been very painful. In fact, we would not survive well if we forgot life's painful lessons and never learned.
The truth is that forgiveness is more about forbearance than it is about forgetting. When we "forbear," we choose to carry a burden. Forgiveness is sometimes described as the choice to willingly bear the pain of another person's offense. That is what Jesus did for us. Most of the time, the basic pain of an offense is not changed by either forgiveness or unforgiveness, but when we choose to willingly bear that pain, we can begin the process of healing. We start to get better rather than bitter.
When we choose unforgiveness— to unwillingly bear the pain of another person's offense— we get bitter as we obsess over that pain. David had seen the terrible ravages caused by unforgiveness. He chose to willingly bear the pain of Shimei's terrible treatment. Then, later, he was able to transmit that forgiveness in person. David was secure in the fact that God had anointed him to be king. He didn't need to exact revenge in order to prove that point— "Do I not know that today I am king over Israel?"
But don't miss this. David did not forget the incident. He very wisely warned Solomon to watch this man carefully. David did not bear a grudge, but he did not forget. He chose to forgive and forbear.
Is there a situation you have been struggling with? Is there someone you have needed to forgive but knew that you could not "forget" the offense? Forgetting is really not the call upon us. We are called to forgive as we have been forgiven. Forgive and forbear.

Father God, I thank You for the grace and mercy that You have extended to me in Christ Jesus. May I find freedom in extending forgiveness to others and find hope in forbearing the burden. Help me to be secure in who I am in You so that I never need to exact revenge. Help me to be wise in all my dealings and treat every relationship as sacred and something entrusted to me by You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

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© Jeffrey D. Hoy 2025
Dr. Jeffrey D. Hoy - Faith Fellowship Church (EFCA)
2820 Business Center Blvd.
Melbourne, Florida 32940 (321)-259-7200
Jeff.Hoy@faithfellowshipweb.com
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Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is quoted from the New International Version (R) of The Holy Bible. Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Words of Faith (c) 1997, 2025 Jeffrey D. Hoy.