Dealing and Healing

Dealing and Healing
Words of Faith 2-21-25
Dr. Jeffrey D. Hoy © 2025
Jeff.Hoy@faithfellowshipweb.com
Faith Fellowship Church - Melbourne, FL
www.faithfellowshipweb.com
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2 Samuel 13:20-29
[20] Her brother Absalom said to her, "Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman. [21] When King David heard all this, he was furious. [22] Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. [23] Two years later, when Absalom's sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king's sons to come there. [24] Absalom went to the king and said, "Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me?" [25] "No, my son," the king replied. "All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you." Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but gave him his blessing. [26] Then Absalom said, "If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us." The king asked him, "Why should he go with you?" [27] But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the king's sons. [28] Absalom ordered his men, "Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, 'Strike Amnon down,' then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and brave." [29] So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king's sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.

Now, the royal family was a scene of tragedy and great pain. The incestuous rape of Tamar by her half-brother, Amnon, was horrific. The family was not dealing with it very well.
When Absalom saw his sister, Tamar, he immediately knew something was wrong. Without being told, Absalom knew what the crime was. Unfortunately, he did what too many family members have done when confronted with family sexual crimes-- he urged Tamar to be quiet. Absalom took his sister Tamar into his house but did nothing to really address her pain.
Absalom told Tamar not to "take this thing to heart." How exactly does one do that? "Our brother raped you, dear, but don't take it personally." It has more than a hollow ring to it. Without the ability to express her hurt and sense of betrayal, this beautiful woman named Tamar became a "desolate woman" living in Absalom's house with a "dirty" secret.
The Hebrew word shaw-mame is translated as "desolate." This is the way it is often applied to a piece of land. In the ancient Near Eastern culture, Tamar never had children and was a "desolate" or unfruitful land. When this word is applied to a person, it means to be "stunned" or "grow numb". In its strongest application, it would describe a person who is "lying in waste" or wonder.
Clearly, Tamar was never the same. We don't want to miss that. She could not simply "not take it to heart." She actually may have never spoken again and wasted away in this condition of desolation. Today, we would surely see post-traumatic stress as a great need to be addressed. Tamar was deeply damaged by the rape in more ways than simply not having a family of her own.
David was furious but baffled as to what to do. A father had the responsibility of gaining reparation if a daughter was victimized. Normally, this would involve seeking some payment or justice from the perpetrator's family, but it was his family. That is the problem with crimes within the family. David might have said, "We have met the enemy, and they are us." David chose not to stand up for Tamar.
Absalom bottled it all up. He never said a word, good or bad, to Amnon. He simply took care of his sister and provided for her in his home. But the anger was simmering inside of him. He hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. Absalom's rage probably grew day by day as he watched his sister languish. The young woman, once full of joy, moved about the house in silent devastation.
The problem with anger is that it can only be bottled up for so long. Eventually, Absalom would make a plan to strike down Amnon. In the same way that David had conspired to kill Uriah, Absalom concocted the scenario in which he could give the order to strike Amnon down with the sword.
The great truth here is that family secrets serve no one. Family secrets born in tragedy only lead to greater tragedy. David's error, as great as any of his mistakes, was choosing to let this crime remain secret and failing to affirm his daughter in her pain.
Have you been carrying a family secret? Covering over a painful injury? Languishing because of a trauma? Healing requires dealing. Dealing requires help, and help comes from the community. Facing a painful past means talking to someone and sometimes even confronting the person who caused the pain. It always means confronting the pain and being affirmed that it was wrong and not the victim's fault.

Father God, always give me grace to face the truth and do what is right. Keep me from vengeful thoughts that simmer over time. Help me to be a safe place where family or a friend can deal and heal. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

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© Jeffrey D. Hoy 2025
Dr. Jeffrey D. Hoy - Faith Fellowship Church (EFCA)
2820 Business Center Blvd.
Melbourne, Florida 32940 (321)-259-7200
Jeff.Hoy@faithfellowshipweb.com
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The Words of Faith devotion is published five days a week by E-mail, excluding Federal holidays. Please feel free to forward this devotion to a friend who might be blessed by this devotion. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is quoted from the New International Version (R) of The Holy Bible. Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Words of Faith (c) 1997, 2025 Jeffrey D. Hoy. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward this copyrighted material or use portions of it with appropriate notation of the source for non-profit purposes.